Jaalsaaz - The Ultimate Plot(hole)

After a shower of PB movies over the last month or so, this weekend saw the addition of two movies to the BBC Hall of Fame. The first of the two is Jaalsaaz, with an amazingly Badmaksh starcast
- Mukesh Khanna (of Shaktiman and "Bheeshma Pitaama" fame)
- Puneet Issar (of "Duryodhana" fame)
- Ronit Roy (potential superstar whose career flopped before he was even considered an actor - of "Jaan Tere Naam" fame)
- Madhoo (of "Roja" fame)
- Kamal Sadaanah (no fame)
- Producer - Surender "Kuku" Kapoor (of "Bhookha Sher" fame)

The film's intention of being a who-dun-it thriller is severely compromised by the fact that the DVD cover clearly shows Mukesh Khanna dressed in a mean looking black trenchcoat and hat. So much for a "who-dun-it".
Oh well, maybe the movie is a character-driven drama, you say? Here again, we are not disappointed. The main protagonist of the movie is a supposedly young and beautiful woman who sells her body so that her brother can lead a normal life. We would have bought that, if the actress playing her was either a) young, or b) beautiful. Her lover (the only one who doesn't pay for her services, i.e.) is played by a baby-faced Ronit Roy, who is some sort of Mahatma - he doesn't give a shit that the person he loves has been around the block quite a few times. While we are speaking of characters, let us not forget the Poetic Liftman - who waxes eloquent everytime he is given screentime. When lamenting his fate to a sympathetic Ronit Roy, he is told "Aap mahaan kavi nahin bane, par aap mahaan liftman zaroor banenge!" (Must remember that line when I'm giving my children a pep-talk).
Well, if its not a thriller or a character-driven drama, maybe its a compelling situational drama. Yes!! You would not be wrong there either - take for instance the movie's 2 astonishing court-room scenes. In court-room scene #1, we are treated to a court audience that feels obliged to give an Aamir-Sohail type commentary whenever there is a twist in the case. Of course, this scene also has the court audience laughing viciously at Monish Behl's claim that he is a pimp. Lastly, we are treated to the most successful lawyer of all time (played by Mukesh Khanna) constantly refusing to question the prosecution's witnesses. Lest you think that he is not a good lawyer- wait till you watch Court Scene #2!!! Yes, for here you see the true brilliance of Mukesh Khanna's abilities. Consider the following dialogue between Mukesh Khanna and a taxi driver

MK : Melaaaaard, mere client ke khilaaf gawahi jhoothi hai! Taxi-driver, aap kahte hain aapne mere client ko goli chalaate hue dekha hai. Us waqt aap kya kar rahe the?
Taxi driver: Ji, main taxi chala raha tha.
MK: Kitni speed par?
Taxi Driver: Ji, yehi koi 20-25 kmh par.
MK: Kaunse gear par?
Taxi Driver: (Wearing a puzzled look) Hain?
MK: KAUNSE GEAR PAR?!!!!
Taxi Driver: Ji, top gear.
MK: Melaaaaaard, point note kiya jaye, top gear par gaadi 20-25 km ki speed par nahin chalayi jaa sakti!!

Take that all you Law and Order fans! While Sam Watterston wastes his time working so hard on the DA's cases, our Mukesh Khanna can overturn point-blank testimonies with astute analysis about gear-speed ratios.
Ok fine, fine, you say. So what if Jaalsaaz is not part of a clearly-defined genre? Let us enjoy the movie on its own merits, ok? As you wish ... consider the following crucial plot-devices that make this movie Badmaaksh.
- A totally champak plan devised by Kamal Sadaanah, Ronit Roy, Madhoo and some sidey actor to protect a girl whose life is in danger from Mukesh Khanna. Firstly, they decide to carefully guard the girl in her hospital room at all times. Then, the sidey actor tells Mukesh Khanna about the vigil, and that the girl has been moved to a different room so that she is protected from the "killer". This sounds like a plot to get Mukesh Khanna to take the bait while these guys lie in wait to catch him, right??? WRONG!!! They actually moved ONLY THE GIRL and stayed in her original room! So MK could just take her away! What-a What-a
- A scene where Mukesh Khanna is shown to be fighting with himself inwardly, shown through a hilariously memorable mirror - reflection sequence.
- Ronit Roy saying to his mom "Woh Mrs. Rakesh kahelayegee" (ala "Bombay Girls")
- Another champak plan wherein some hoodlums who are interested in Madhoo mix some pills in Madhoo's and Kamal Sadaanah's Pepsi. What are their devious plans? Do they mean to beat up Kamal Sadaanah after he is weakened by this mysterious pill? Maybe they plan to have their way with Madhoo. However, nothing happens - all that Madhoo and Kamal do is become intoxicated and sing a song!!
- The most crazy and unexpected ending. Aha!! You snigger to me, "I told you it was a who-dun-it!" Relax, darling - the unexpected ending ... something that has not been ever tried in any Hindi movie before ... is that the main protagonist of the movie - our beautiful, young non-virginal lead character is freed from jail, taken to Ronit Roy's home, where she is accepted gleefully by her repentant soon-to-be mother-in-law ... on seeing all this, our heroine almost dies of happiness. Wait a minute - she ACTUALLY DIES OF HAPPINESS. Let me say this again, SHE DIES OF HAPPINESS!!!!#@%!%!W$!# (Take that, Usual Suspects!)