30 Days - The Biggest Crime Thriller

Before I start the review, you should be aware of something very important that affects your lives without your knowledge. Every year, right around the time you are ogling at the bevy of beauties participating at the Miss India contest, there is an equally important contest - Mr. Badmaksh. Like the Miss India contest, it has many sub-contests like Mr. Ugly, Mr. Horrible Actor, Mr. Depraved Look, Mr. Taekwando, Mr. What-a-personality etc. etc. While some subcontests are more important than the others, the ultimate winner embodies most of the qualities required to be a Badmaksh superstar. The winner joins an impressive fraternity of Badmaksh stars - Rajat Bedi, Suniel Shetty and Shiva to name a few. He is also offered tons of Bhookha Sher T-shirts as payment for acting in the next big banner Badmaksh movie.

Do I hear you sniggering? If you think that I am making this up, and that there is no such contest, I challenge you to explain how else the producers of Thirty Days could find a lead who is Badmaksh is almost every possible way. Of course, you might say - he could have slept with the producers of the movie to land this role. Fair enough, I want you to see this movie, and then come back to me with one non-Gorilla person who would be willing to sleep with Jai Kishan.

On to the review. While there is considerable debate about the genre that Jaalsaaz belongs to (see review below), there is no such confusion over Thaaaty days. It is clearly a horror-mystery-romance-college student fun-movie.

Thaaaaty days is movie-making at its best - it establishes clear themes at the start with the help of creative-plot devices which allow the emotions of the viewer to be controlled very easily. Let us examine some important themes (purely with the intention of learning how to become accomplished film-makers ourselves).

The terror within: A gang of college friends arrives at a holiday cottage at some remote corner of our great country. They are received by Raamu Kaka (caretaker) and Bhola Kaka (gardener and cook). Raamu kaka seems like a mellow guy, while Bhola definitely looks like he could use a trip to the local shrink. Right from the start, the viewers are made nervous through Bhola's omenous warnings about the gang never returning back home, only to be hastily explained by other members of the cottage caretaking community. Lo and behold, as soon as it becomes dark, the local ghost comes by, singing a song which sounds like it has been remixed! If you thought that wasn't scary enough, wait till you see what happens to any girl that tries to follow this melodious ghost! Yes ... you've guessed it right ... she is ambushed by a woolly mammoth's hand's stunt double (so named because we could not see any other part of this creature's body)!!! I won't be offended if you are too scared to continue - it happens to the best of us. The intrigue is increased by Bhola kaaka's strange facial contortions at each appearance of the ghost. Does he know anything? Why does he use his shears so suggestively? Was he circumcized at birth (or worse, castrated?)? Why does the normally mellow Raamu kaaka (supposedly the father of the girl whose ghost we are seeing) start laughing with an unhealthy dose of madness and shout "aaj woh zaroor kissi ko le ke jayegi" again and again? Does he know something? Why is there always an ugly girl shown bathing (in a bathtub, full of what can be best described as phenyl) before every ghostly appearance? Why do the guys of the college group grope each other in fear at the first sound of the ghost's song? How the hell did Venkatesh Prasad become a coach? The answers to these questions are not easy, nor are they provided to us immediately.

The Milind Gunaji Intrigue: Milind Gunaji's Robert character is central to the plot, and the film-makers waste no time in making us wonder who he is. Robert is mysteriously present at all kidnapping scenes in the movie, which no doubt points to the possibility that he knows more than he pretends. He claims to be a writer researching ghosts, but obviously that's a front for something more diabolical. He can dodge bullets shot at his back by hearing the gun shot and avoiding the approaching bullet (theoretically impossible, as a bullet travels close to the speed of sound when fired - but when you have drunk brigadiers kicking away grenades and grabbing bullets, surely this is passe'). Our intrigue knows no bounds when he presides over a meeting of individuals whose uniforms consists of, among other thing, prominent top hats. We are further surprised when Robert agrees to Raamu kaaka's request that he come and live with the college students by saying "Haan, tumhare saath timepass ho jayega". Who are the people in the hats? And how come Robert vanishes from plain sight at exactly the same time as the ghost? Is he also a ghost? Where exactly did Waqar Younis and Ramiz Raja learn to pronounce? Again, we are left on the edge of our seats as we look for answers.

The Banke Bihari-Sikandar Nexus: The movie-makers must have taken offense to our Bhookha Sher entry (where we called Vijay the worst lead hero ever seen), for they have gone and made the same actor play the bloodthirsty rapist, Sikandar. He is in cohorts with Banke Bihari (the local politician), who has a very psychological strategy for overpowering women that he wants to rape. He brings them to his house on some pretext, and then tries to have his way with them. When they resist (and they always do, coz he's no John Abraham), he chases after them through his living room. Whenever they run out of the room into another room, he is nowhere to be seen. It's because of his unfit and obese condition right?? WRONG! He is merely playing with his victim's mind, because his apparent failure to chase them leads them to believe that they are safe. As soon as they let their guard down, who else should descend on them but Sikandar!! Faced by the ignonimy of being raped by the lamest individual on earth (especially so soon after they felt relief), the poor women give up. Banke Bihari then joins in the fun along with Sikandar. What a plan!! If only our economic policy-makers applied themselves with such astute analytical abilities, our nation would be much further than where it stands today. Sikandar's father, played by Alok Nath, is a do gooder who is the anti-thesis of his demonic son. On learning of his son's transgressions, he whips him in view of the villagers. We still haven't figured out how he procures a whip out of nowhere, but never mind.

Bunty: Supposedly the "leader" of a gang of college kids. Any respect the audience has for him is obliterated by his dead-pan acting, and his habit of inserting a solitary punjabi word into what is otherwise a perfectly legitimate hindi sentence. For eg. "Main apne doston ke naal aaya tha". (Hinjabi, anyone?). Most memorable is the scene where he greets the DCP with a "Good day, sir" in a supremely funny way that is unique. (Besides, who the FUCK ever says "Good day" ????)

Super-Inspector Vijay: Right from the first scene where Super-Inspector Vijay comes into the Comissioner's office with cheek's flapping (yes, they actually flap), Jai Kishan sets the standard in thespian efforts. His tour de force - the english monologue on receiving THE assignment alone is worth the price of admission to a PVR Gold Cinema - not in the least because of his amazing command on the English language (complete with his promise to solve the case in THAAATTTY days). The director certainly treats Mr. Kishan as the latest Mr. Badmaksh - in every scene he is present in, strangely inspriational music starts playing background!! (In unrelated news, a toddler's orchestra was hired to play "theme" music in Sharma and Sharma Combines latest production - 30 days). Super-Inspector Vijay is being pursued by two village "beauties" - Alok Nath's daughter Komal (who looks komal only if you are a Gorilla), and Raamu Kaaka's live daughter. Of course that is not surprising, seeing how sexy and handsome he is (again, if you are a Gorilla). We have no doubt he will solve the case in THAAAATY days.

Of course, as with all crime-capers, this one does have a "suspense" ending. The audience is left wondering why it took Super-Inspector Vijay Thaaaty days to figure out something that most of us were able to guess within 30 minutes of watching the movie. The climax is very very predictable, but still Badmaksh because of various elements - not the least of which is seeing Milind Gunaji dressed up as an Arab!

Needless to say Thaaaty days deserves more than a decko.