Bhookha Sher!!!

If you EVER feel like the world is a joyless place that offers no hope, you owe it to yourself to go and rent Bhookha Sher. We saw it this previous weekend, and to say that this is one of the most stunning movies ever would be an understatement.

It stars Dharam paaji (who looks drunk as ever), as well as Sapna (Raatraani of "Raat Ki Baat" fame). The usual suspects - Kiran Kumar, Raza Murad, SHIVA (sporting a bald look!!), Amrit Pal (of Veeru Dada fame) - populate the frames of this movie. Of course, "movie" would be a very loose way of describing this edifice of rapes, superhuman retired brigadiers, half-dead cops and half-deader commissioners. As is common to recent Dharam paaji movies, there is an obligatory female Daaku as well. The icing on the cake is the name of the director - Surinder Kuku Kapoor.

Before you read on, I should make it clear that I do not in any way take rapes lightly, or find them amusing. However, the worringly barbaric treatment of women in such movies, while appalling, is probably a subject for more serious blogs.

Anyway, enough of seriousness ... on to some fun. Here is a general description of this movie's scenes
Scene 1: Ganga is being carried away by beanie-clad Shiva - who no doubt wants to rape her in his van (which looks suspiciously like a Police Van). However, he is foiled in his plans by half-dead commissioner #1.

Scene 2: Ganga is being chased by two thugs (one of them being a fat as hell Amrit Pal), who manage to outrun her despite being in less than prime physical condition. As they are about to rape her, they are foiled by Drunk Brigadier Ranvir Singh (the future Bhookha Sher!!!). The fight scenes that follow are possibly the best scenes you will ever see. If you do not fall down laughing on seeing Dharam paaji deliver his punches and head-butts, you can stop paying taxes, coz you are almost certainly dead.

Scene 3: Ganga, (who, having been almost raped twice in two scenes should know better) does an obligatory strip tease song for the village boys.

Scene 4: Amrit Pal (uske effort ki daad deni padegi), is dragging Ganga away for another attempted rape. At this juncture, he is foiled by the worst lead hero seen yet, Vijay. The weakling is thrown all over the place by Pal's Daaku Jaggu character, until he falls next to a rather badly painted form of Hanuman. Suddenly, he is filled with superhuman power, and demolishes Jaggu with as much ease as we humans swat flies. Ganga and Vijay promptly fall in love

At this point, I'd like to point out - in 3 out of 4 scenes so far, rape has been omnipresent ... and the heroine's name is Ganga. Why do I get the feeling that "Ganga Maili ho gayi" will be a dialogue at some point in the movie?

Scene 5: Amrit Pal finally gets his wish - he is able to successfully ravage Ganga. Not before he kills Sapna's bed-ridden mother in the worst sword stabbing scene ever shot ... and also not before he kills a very very random couple that tries to stop him (by simply rushing towards him with raised arms). Murders are not normally funny events, but the genius of this movie is that it somehow manages to make them unbelievably funny. Anyway, Jaggu rapes Ganga.

Scene 6: An angst ridden Ganga is walking down the street when a Maruti van picks her up forcibly. She is then supposedly raped by 4 individuals who are wearing socks on their heads. I say supposedly because, well, this is the most bewildering scene of the movie. When you see it, you'll know what I mean.

The movie now takes an unpredictable turn - after being ravaged and raped, Ganga becomes a Daaku!!!! Who would have thought that?

Anyway, in the course of some normal butt-kicking Dharam paaji kicks away at least 10 grenades, and grabs a bullet shot at him. All in a day's work for him, no doubt. He also throws all the gangsters in the police station, where we meet half-dead police Commissioner #2 - who seemingly has hair coming out of every orifice on his face. In all these scenes, Dharam paaji looks so drunk that he is barely able to stand.

If you still don't think this movie is badmaksh, I recommend you get a CAT scan. If still not convinced, consider the following

- Dharam paaji is only in 5-6 scenes, and still the movie is called Bhookha Sher (he being the Bhookha sher).
- The random couple who Jaggu kills before his rape of Ganga turns out to be Dharam paaji's parents - we have never seen them in the previous scenes, AND they look young enough to be Dharam paaji's kids!!! The back-cover of the DVD of the movie says that on learning about his parent's death, "The truth turns the Brigadier into a hungry, stalking tiger, out for revenge. Ganga turns into the dreaded wounded tiger." Talk about wishful thinking - before the news, Dharam paaji was a drunkard, and after the statement, he is a drunkard. If you ask me, it sounds like Kuku the director tried to get Dharam paaji to change his persona, but it fell on deaf (and no doubt drunk) ears.
- An excerpt from the back-cover "Meanwhile, Vijay comes as a police inspector in search of Ganga. On meeting the ferocious, utterly transformed Ganga, he requests her to turn herself over to the law...... Will Ganga succumb to the request?..... If she does, will she get justice?" .... need I say more?
- A fighting scene in which a side-hero dances between punches.
- Finally, and this has to be reserved for the last - a unique court scene, where the logistics of getting all the extras together must have exhausted Kuku Kapoor's immense directorial abilities. I don't want to give away anything more about this scene, but watch out for it.

You will not be disappointed by Bhookha Sher, I promise.